1. Switch Roles: If the two of you have been together for a while, each of you has probably settled into your comfortable financial roles (for example, one of you pays the bills, the other keeps the records, or one of you handles the family finances while the other is the primary cook). Consider changing it up this month. By switching roles you get to learn new skills, gain appreciation for your partner’s important contribution to the household, and get a break from your own regular tasks. This can be an exercise in empathy and learning, which will be fun and strengthen your financial communication.
2. Reward Each Other: It can be easy to procrastinate when it comes to the more mundane financial tasks (like updating your beneficiaries on your retirement accounts, for example). However, delaying these important financial responsibilities can have serious consequences. This month, you and your partner can finally start checking things off your list by making a rewards system! At the beginning of the month, sit down and together make a list of all of the things you need to do to reach success in your financial life, in order of your likelihood to avoid each task. Next, assign rewards for each of the items. The more difficult or unappealing it is, the greater the reward. For example: #19: Get a will. Reward: 20 minute back rub during your favorite movie. Whoever initiates the task reaps the reward. Make this system into a fun game, and check all the items off your “Financial To-Do List”.
3. Speak Freely: Communication about money can be very difficult because many of us have been raised to believe that it is a very private topic and one that is inappropriate to discuss. This month, challenge yourself to shed the shame you might be feeling and talk about money together, even in public! Go on a walk or grab a coffee out and talk about the progress of your retirement accounts, your hopes of paying off your home faster than the terms of the mortgage, and goals for retirement. It’s important that you are not afraid or embarrassed to talk about money with your partner, at any time. Any stress that might be caused by this lack of communication will start to melt away. Of course, we recommend that you do not talk specifics, like account passwords or social security numbers, when you are out on the town!
4. Ask the Experts: Sometimes talking about money with your partner is too frustrating, stressful or confusing for it to be romantic. In this case we suggest that you invite a professional into the conversation. A CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNERTM Professional can help you take the mystery out of your financial life, and jumpstart you on the right path toward accomplishing your shared goals. If you are in the Boston area, we would love to help you with your financial planning needs and, in addition, we specialize in helping couples to get on the same team to work toward financial success with our innovative service, Harmoney: Couples Financial Counseling, which we offer nationwide. Please contact us to discuss how we might help you toward a bright financial future together!
5. Make it a Date: The best way to make talking about money romantic is to have a financial conversation in a romantic setting. The concept of having a “Money Date” is foreign to most couples, but once they’ve tried it, they’re hooked. Prepare a nice dinner, set some candles, have a glass of wine, and talk about your finances. Your “financial romance” is bound to thrive!
6. Create a Financial Sanctuary: If you have a corner of the house where you keep your financial records, receipts and budgets, beautify that space to reflect its importance. Your financial lives should not be relegated into a dark corner, but rather should be bright, calm, hopeful and full of promise. Financial organization promotes financial success, and financial success allows you to achieve your hopes and dreams. This space should be full of that promise. Keep the area clean and welcoming – organize your files in a way that works for you and keep the surfaces clutter free. Consider regular fresh-cut flowers. If you and your partner have always wanted to retire on a lake, hang a picture of your dream home on the lake where you’ve always wanted to live. If you are saving for a special trip to Paris, hang a photo of the Eiffel Tower. If you are putting away money for your young son’s college fund, put up a photo of your baby wearing a mortarboard. It will serve as a constant reminder of what you are working toward together as a team – what could be more romantic than that?
7. Quick Updates: You may find that you and your spouse delay talking about money because there is just so much to say. There is no reason to let it all build up to that point. Financial conversations don’t always have to be heavy, in-depth discussions – there is an alternative: the quickie! If you just have a few minutes before you both leave for work in the morning, or you make time for a short phone call during your lunch break, bring up your finances. Example: “Honey, I just increased my 401k contributions by 1%.” By having frequent, quick conversations, you make talking about money natural, fun and easy – just like your relationship. An added bonus is that there won’t be any big surprises when it comes time for your money dates!
8. Write Each Other Financial Love Letters: These romantic communications about your shared goals, hopes and dreams will serve as a constant reminder that you are a team and you can get through anything, whether it is layoffs, a tight budget due to aggressive savings goals, or different perspectives about money, you both want to show each other love in your communication. You are a team now, and you should resolve to always aim to be on the same page. Work together toward the same goal of financial success rather than against each other and live a true financial romance for the ages!
Please share your tips for healthy communication about your finances in your own relationship. We would love to hear about your challenges as well. Leave your ideas in the comments section below!
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